Day: 102 / 365

Wow.

It's been quite some time since I last wrote on here.
So much has happened.
So...
So...
So much.

My life has kind of done a 180.
People have come and gone.
I've cried lots of tears.
Happy and Sad.
I was made an aunt and that little girl is the light of my life.
I've changed my major.
Twice.
But I think I finally found something that will make me happy.

So why am I back and writing on here?
Because I feel like I can't breathe again.
I recently was forced to start journaling for a class, and I realized how much I missed it.

So much has changed in just under a year that I honestly feel like I have whiplash.
It's weird because at times I feel the most emotionally stable I have in forever, and then nights like tonight happen.
This change makes me question "Am I really more emotionally stable? Or am I just imagining the good days?"
It's tough.
I want to feel normal.
But what is normal?

I guess normal for me would just not having this tightness in my chest.
Not feeling like I can't sleep, even though it's 12:12 Am.
Not needing to vent on here, knowing no one is going to see or hear my cries.
Not needing my happy pills.
Not needing a consistent schedule.
(That last point is a big thing for me).

I wish I knew why changes in my schedule cause me such anxiety.
Or why when someone tickle/scratches me I feel that anxiety disipate.

I have no one that understands these feelings.
The lack of motivation I feel on a daily basis.
It's actually quite impressive if I'm honest.
I am no where near where I thought I would be at the age I am.
But I cant change that right now. I'm working on it.
I guess that will have to make me happy for now.